Escape to Paradise: TURIM Santa Maria Hotel, Madeira Island
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because we’re diving headfirst into the glorious, slightly chaotic world of TURIM Santa Maria Hotel on Madeira Island. Forget the polished brochure – this is the real deal, warts and all, from someone who actually lived there. And trust me, after weathering this review, you'll either be booking a flight immediately or running screaming in the opposite direction. There is no middle ground.
First Impressions: The Madeira Magic (and the Bit of Jitters)
Madeira. Just saying the name whispers of volcanic slopes kissed by sunshine, dramatic cliffs plunging into the Atlantic, and… well, sheer, breathtaking beauty. The TURIM Santa Maria Hotel is nestled right in the heart of it, and that, my friends, is a major selling point. The air itself smells of salt and something indefinably floral…it's intoxicating!
Navigating to the hotel was a little… let's say adventurous. Madeira's roads are not for the faint of heart (or those with a fear of heights). But the moment you pull up to the hotel, you're greeted by that classic promise of escape. Now, the exterior… it's clean, functional, and… well, it doesn't exactly scream "Instagrammable." But hey, let's be honest, I value comfort and convenience over aesthetic perfection, and this hotel delivers on both.
The Room: My Sanctuary (and My Laundry Pile's Temporary Home)
Alright, let's talk about the room. Sigh. After a long journey, nothing is better than a clean, cool sanctuary, and the TURIM nails it. I'm a sucker for fresh linens, and the bed was a cloud. The blackout curtains are a lifesaver if you're battling jet lag (which, let's face it, you probably will be). There's free Wi-Fi (hallelujah!), a mini-bar (always a good thing), and all the basics like air conditioning, a safe box, and a hair dryer (essential for taming the winds of Madeira). They also had a complimentary tea and coffee maker, which was perfect for those mornings when you just want to sit on the balcony and watch the sun rise without having to go anywhere.
The room was clean and functional. It wasn't huge, but it's all I needed. My biggest hang-up? As someone who tends to leave clean clothes neatly folded on the bed, I found the extra-long bed a little too long for me. I had to pile my laundry at the foot of the bed. Minor inconvenience, I know, I know.
Accessibility: Did They Nail It? (Mostly)
The hotel lists "Facilities for disabled guests" and an elevator. This is excellent! However, I don't have mobility concerns, so I can't give a definitive assessment of its complete accessibility. Based on my general observations and descriptions, I believe it would be best to contact the hotel directly for detailed information and to confirm specific needs.
The Eatery Experiences: Food, Glorious Food (and a Case of the "What Do I Want?")
Listen, I love food. And any hotel that takes it seriously has my immediate admiration. TURIM offers a decent variety of options.
- Breakfast (buffet): Ah, the breakfast buffet. It might sound like a cliché, but it truly sets the tone for the day. The buffet at TURIM was a solid start. They have the usual suspects: Western breakfast (eggs, bacon, cereal, pastries) and, thankfully, some Asian breakfast options available. The coffee/tea in the restaurant was decent. I'm not easily impressed; I'm a coffee snob, and I'm happy to report it was drinkable! Though, a bottle of water beside the bed would be appreciated.
- Restaurants: They do have restaurants offering both international and Asian cuisine, which is handy. They also list a vegetarian restaurant. Sadly, I didn't experience them. I was exploring the local restaurants.
- Room service: Room service [24-hour] is a lifesaver after a long day exploring.
- Snack bar and poolside bar: Perfect for sipping a cocktail while soaking up the sun.
Things to Do (Beyond the Hotel Walls): The Madeira Adventure
Okay, let’s be real. Madeira is the main attraction. The hotel, as lovely as it is, is just your basecamp.
- Things to Relax: They have a spa/sauna, with massage, body scrub, and body wrap options, a swimming pool [outdoor] with a pool with a view! So, yeah, plenty options.
- Fitness center & Gym/fitness: They also have the standard Fitness center and gym/fitness, so you can keep up with your workouts.
Cleanliness and Safety: The COVID-19 Reality
Like every respectable hotel these days, TURIM takes cleanliness seriously. They have anti-viral cleaning products, hand sanitizer everywhere, and staff trained in safety protocol. Daily disinfection in common areas is standard, as is rooms sanitized between stays. They even have a Room sanitization opt-out available, which is a nice touch if you're sensitive to cleaning products.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things (that Make a Big Difference)
This is where TURIM starts to shine. The concierge was helpful for arranging excursions and offering insider tips. Daily housekeeping is a godsend, and the luggage storage was really appreciated when I arrived early. They have an elevator (essential!), currency exchange, and laundry service (major win!).
Getting Around: The Madeira Rollercoaster
- Airport transfer: They offer airport transfer, which I highly recommend. After the flight, I did not want to drive!
- Car park [free of charge]: If you're driving, the car park [free of charge] is awesome!
For the Kids: Babysitting Included, but Ask First
The family/child-friendly label is a great. But, if you want to utilize babysitting service or kids meal, check ahead of time.
The "Escape to Paradise" Offer (Because You Deserve It)
Okay, here’s the deal:
Escape to the TURIM Santa Maria Hotel, Madeira Island. For a 3-night stay, you'll receive:
- A complimentary bottle of local Madeira wine upon arrival.
- Free upgrade to a room with a balcony (subject to availability).
- Free breakfast for two
- 10% off Spa treatments.
- Bonus: A free walking tour of Funchal, so you can get to know the local scene.
Why book right now? Because life is short, Madeira is calling, and this offer… well, this offer is your key to paradise. Don't wait, don't hesitate. Book now and start dreaming of those sun-drenched slopes. Because if you're looking for a comfortable, pleasant basecamp to explore the island, you won't be disappointed.
Final Verdict (The Honest Truth):
TURIM Santa Maria isn't a flawless five-star experience, but it's a solid hotel. It's clean, comfortable, and incredibly well-located. In short, it's a great base for exploring the magic of Madeira. And in my book, that’s more than good enough to recommend. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to book another trip…
Manila Loft Living: Unbelievable 2BR Condo w/ Blazing Fast WiFi!
Alright, here's a diary of my madcap Madeira adventure, scribbled in real-time (or as close as I can get!) from my hilariously comfortable basecamp: the TURIM Santa Maria Hotel. Buckle up, buttercups, because this is gonna be… well, it's gonna be me.
Madeira Mayhem: A Chaotic Chronicle
Day 1: Arrival & Airport Antics (aka, "Lost Luggage & Liquid Courage")
- Time: 8:00 AM (or thereabouts… let's be honest, I was running late thanks to that last-minute coffee run)
- Location: My couch… which is usually a chaotic mess, but at least it's not the airport chaos yet!
- Event: Flight from [My Hometown]. The anticipation! The carefully-packed suitcase! (Well, relatively carefully… I may have thrown in a swimsuit I haven't worn since 2018).
- Transportation: Airplane. Duh.
- Emotional Rollercoaster:
- Anxious: So many travel horror stories always in my head.
- Excited: Madeira! Wine! Hiking! The potential for a tan!
- Observations: The pre-flight announcements are always a symphony of "fasten your seatbelts, don't touch the emergency exit" and "please turn off all electronic devices". I swear, if my life were a movie, it'd play on infinite loop.
- Anecdote: Okay, fine. The luggage… well, let's just say my carefully packed suitcase decided to take a detour through… somewhere. The airline said it was "processing". I’m pretty sure my lucky socks and all my sunscreen are currently staging a revolt in some far-flung corner of the planet. Thank god for my trusty carry-on, which contained the essentials: a change of clothes, a book, and a miniature bottle of… um… courage. Let's call it that.
- Quirks: I'm convinced I've perfected the art of looking perpetually confused in airports. It's a gift, really.
- Hotel: A solid 8/10! The view from my balcony is breathtaking, overlooking the ocean. The air is cleaner than my conscience, which is a big win! It's close to the city centre, and it feels incredibly safe.
Day 2: Funchal Frenzy & the Disappearance of My Willpower
- Time: 9:00 AM (ish… I attempted to wake up earlier, but my body apparently disagrees with the concept of "early rising" on vacation)
- Location: TURIM Santa Maria Hotel – Breakfast Buffet. It's a glorious feast of pastries, fresh fruit, and things I can't pronounce but will happily consume.
- Event: Exploring Funchal! Getting hopelessly lost in the charming, cobblestone streets! Buying way too many souvenirs! All the important stuff.
- Transportation: Hotel shuttle to the city.
- Emotional Rollercoaster:
- Hungry: Always.
- Giddy: I'm IN Madeira!
- Slightly Overwhelmed: So much to see, so little time! (And my luggage is still "processing"…)
- Observations: The architecture here is just… stunning. Those colorful buildings, the flower-filled balconies, the way the sunlight dances on the water… it’s postcard-perfect. And everyone seems so jolly and friendly!
- Anecdote: First stop: the Mercado dos Lavradores (Farmer's Market). Whoa. The cacophony of vendors yelling, the vibrant colors of the fruit, the smell of fresh flowers… it's absolutely overwhelming in the best possible way. I ended up buying a bunch of passion fruit (totally worth it), a ridiculously enormous flower, and a hat that makes me look like a slightly sunburnt pirate. Did I need any of this? Absolutely not. Did I regret it? Never! The hat is amazing, and everyone wants to take photos with me.
- Quirks: I have a talent for getting hopelessly lost. I swear, I could get lost in my own apartment! But, it's part of the fun.
- Opinion: Funchal is pure magic!
Day 3: Levada Walking & Existential Dread
- Time: 9:30 AM (ish… I was actually early today. Success!)
- Location: Hotel lobby, waiting for the tour van to pick me up.
- Event: Hiking a Levada! These irrigation channels are a major part of Madeira charm.
- Transportation: Tour van, my own two feet.
- Emotional Rollercoaster:
- Anxious: Heights are not my friend.
- Intrigued: Levadas are fascinating.
- Exhausted I never knew so much walking could get my tired.
- Observations: The levada trails are breathtaking. The smell of the forest, the sound of the water trickling, the views… wow.
- Anecdote: Our Levada walk… was long. It wasn't technically difficult (mostly flat), but it was a LOT of walking. We got so far into the mountains, and I kept questioning what I was doing with my life. At one point, I started singing "The Sound of Silence" at the top of my lungs. My fellow hikers stared. I didn't care. I was lost in the moment, and pretty sure I could hear some ancient, moss-covered levada god laughing at my misery. But it was all worth it. The views from the top were extraordinary. That feeling of accomplishment combined with the stunning scenery… it made me forget all my troubles.
- Quirks: I’m pretty sure I tripped over a root. I am not graceful.
- Opinion: The levada walks are MUST DO. Get a good guide, wear appropriate shoes. And maybe bring a flask… of courage.
Day 4: The Cabo Girão Cliff & The Best Poncha Ever
- Time: 10:00 AM (Another triumph! Morning person, here I come!)
- Location: Cabo Girão skywalk… which is basically a glass platform hanging off a cliff.
- Event: Checking out the amazing panoramic views of the cliff.
- Transportation: Car.
- Emotional Rollercoaster:
- Terrified: Heights are definitely not my friends!
- Overwhelmed: So much beauty, so much wind…
- Content: This trip is working out!
- Observations: The view is absolutely breathtaking. And terrifying. The skywalk… well, you feel like you’re floating in the air. I'm not sure my stomach ever truly recovered.
- Anecdote: Afterwards, we stopped in Câmara de Lobos. You HAVE to go here, because it's the birthplace of Poncha. I, of course, had to try it. It's a local drink: rum, honey, lemon juice.
- First Sip: My face puckered. It was strong. Very strong.
- Second Sip: Okay, it's starting to grow on me! I can feel my cheeks getting rosy.
- Third Sip: "This is LIFE-CHANGING!" I exclaimed, while the bartender gave me a knowing look.
- Later: I don't remember much. But I do recall wandering around the village feeling like I was walking on clouds, laughing at everything, and making new friends. This poncha, I'm convinced, is the cure for all that ails.
- Quirks: I'm pretty sure I developed a newfound appreciation for… well, everything.
- Opinion: Seriously. Go to Câmara de Lobos. Drink the poncha. Embrace the chaos. You won't regret it.
Day 5: Back to Reality? (Or At Least, Back to Packed Suitcases)
- Time: 8:00 AM (ish… the airport looms)
- Location: My hotel room. Sigh.
- Event: Packing! (And hopefully, my luggage has also "processed" and returned… fingers crossed!)
- Transportation: Hotel shuttle to the airport. Airplane.
- Emotional Rollercoaster:
- Melancholy: So much for sunshine and adventure
- Grateful: This was wonderful experience.
- Exhausted: But in a good way.
- Observations: The hotel breakfast buffet has never tasted so good. I feel like I could get used to this whole "delicious food every morning" thing.
- Anecdote: As I packed, I found a little bottle of the local wine I bought. I brought it home with me. I'm already planning my next trip.
- Quirks: My suitcase… it’s a disaster.
- Opinion: Madeira, you were wonderful. I will be back. And next time, I'm buying a
Escape to Paradise: TURIM Santa Maria Hotel - You Got Questions, I Got...Mostly Honesty
Okay, spill the tea. Is this place *actually* paradise? Like, Instagram-filtered paradise?
Alright, alright. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. "Paradise" is a BIG word. And look, Madeira *is* stunning. The mountains, the ocean... it's got that postcard vibe. But, and this is a big but (like the kind you'd see on a Madeira beach... wink wink), the hotel itself? Well, it's not exactly crafted by angels.
My first impression? A bit... underwhelming. The lobby felt a tad… sterile. Like a dentist's waiting room, if the dentist loved beige and didn't believe in fun. But, and this is key, the *view* from the balcony… WHOA. That's where the paradise starts to creep in. That ocean, the cliffs… Yeah, that's the good stuff. So, paradise-adjacent? Perhaps. Full-blown, unadulterated bliss? Maybe dial it back a smidge.
The rooms. Give me the real deal. Are they clean? Cozy? Or, you know, a moldy disaster?
Okay, room report. Let's be real, cleanliness is key. I'm a bit of a neat freak, so this was make-or-break for me.
The good news? Generally, yes, clean. Spotless? No, not quite. There was *maybe*, just *maybe*, a rogue hair in the bathroom. I'm probably being overly critical, it's me being me.
Cozy? Hmm. The decor is…functional. Think Ikea-chic on a budget. Comfortable enough, but don't expect plush velvet and roaring fires. My room, the standard ocean view, was, you know, a room. Adequate. The balcony itself? That's where the magic happened. Seriously, the view is worth its weight in gold. I practically lived out there. Read books, drank coffee, watched the sunrise… it was glorious.
And the bed? Surprisingly comfortable! Slept like a baby. Or, you know, a slightly sleep-deprived adult who had a few too many Poncha’s the night before.
That breakfast spread. Worth getting out of bed for? Give it to me straight.
Breakfast, oh boy, breakfast. This is where things get a bit… complicated. Here’s the lowdown:
There's a buffet. Which, in my book, is always a gamble. The bread was fresh, which is a major win. The pastries were… passable. Don't expect Michelin-star croissants, but they got the job done. The coffee? Eh. Again, passable. Definitely needed a bit of sugar and maybe a swift kick in the taste-buds.
The fruit was good, though. Fresh oranges, kiwi, all that goodness. I spent like half my time just piling my plate with oranges. I tried to start my day healthy you see.
So, worth getting out of bed? Borderline. If you're a breakfast fiend, maybe not. If you're a slightly hungover, just-need-some-fuel-to-survive kinda person, then yeah, you'll probably survive. It's fine. Nothing to write home about, other than, maybe, a note about the oranges. Those were aces.
Okay, let's talk location. Are you stuck in the middle of nowhere, or is there stuff to do?
Location, location, location! This is where the TURIM Santa Maria actually shines, you know? It's in the heart of Funchal. That's the good news. The bad news? It's on a somewhat steep hill. Get ready for some calf workouts, my friends.
But seriously, everything's pretty accessible. Restaurants, shops, the Mercado dos Lavradores (go, go, GO!),... all within walking distance, though maybe not in your highest heels. The cable car up to Monte Palace Tropical Garden? Easy peasy. The harbor? Again, a nice stroll down a slightly sloped road.
I'm a big walker, so I loved it. Even the uphill bits were worth it for the views. If you're less mobile, though, maybe look into taxis or consider something flatter. But for accessibility and vibe... it's a pretty sweet spot.
The pool! Do they have a pool? Is it any good? I’m talking Instagram-worthy pool good?
Alright, let's talk pool. Yes, there's a pool. No, it's not exactly the infinity pool of my dreams. It's… functional. Clean, yeah, but not huge. And the sun loungers? A bit of a scrum. You gotta be up early to nab a good spot. (I’m thinking like, 7 AM. Seriously.)
Instagram-worthy? Maybe if you're *really* good with filters. It's perfectly fine for a refreshing dip, but it's not the kind of pool that'll make you spontaneously write poetry. On the plus side, after a day of exploring, jumping in was heaven. After being out in the sun all day, a splash was all it took to make me feel human again.
So, good? Yes. Great? Nah. But hey, the ocean is right there! (And *that* is Instagram-worthy.)
And the staff? Are they friendly? Helpful? Or the kind that make you want to move to a different continent?
The staff. Ah, the staff. Okay, here's the thing. Most were lovely. Genuinely helpful and friendly. The reception staff always had a smile. The cleaning staff? Super efficient.
I had a slight issue with Wi-Fi (being a millennial, it’s a necessity) and they were on it immediately. Fixed in minutes. Impressive.
There were a few exceptions, of course. You always get a couple. Not rude, exactly, just… a little… detached? Mostly not a problem, though. Overall, the staff were a highlight: helpful, polite, and genuinely trying to make your stay pleasant.
Is this place good for families? Or is it more of a couples/solo traveler kind of vibe?
Family-friendly? Yeah, I'd say so. There were families there when I visited. The pool area seemed to be a hit with the kids.
Are there kids clubs and all that jazz? No. It's not a super kid-focused place. But there's plenty to see and do, with many restaurants nearby that welcome children.
Couples? Definitely. The views, the proximity to restaurants… perfect for a romantic getaway. Solo travelers?Search Hotel Guide
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