Escape to Paradise: Lopesan's Kumara Serenoa Gran Canaria Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Lopesan's Kumara Serenoa Gran Canaria Awaits! (OMG, Let's Go!) - A Messy, Honest Review
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I'm about to spill the tea (and probably some Sangria – more on that later) on Lopesan's Kumara Serenoa in Gran Canaria. Forget those perfectly polished brochure reviews; you’re getting the real deal. This is my attempt to dissect this place, warts and all, and see if it lives up to the "Escape to Paradise" hype. So, grab a comfy chair, a stiff drink (or three), and let's dive in.
First Impressions (and the Great Wheelchair Debacle):
Okay, okay, let's start with one of the questions that plagues everyone: Accessibility. Listen, I'm not in a wheelchair myself, but I always pay attention because it matters freaking much. The website says it's accessible. And… well, it tries. The elevators are good, the hallways seem wide enough, and they offer some rooms specifically for wheelchairs. But I did overhear a story from a guest. A guest I met in the lobby over a complimentary coffee the first day. They were kind and generous. They said, "The entrance to the pool area was okay, but the ramp was pretty steep. And getting to the outside dining area… well, that was a bit of an adventure." So, yeah, trying is the word. It gets a solid "B-" for effort there. They do have facilities for disabled guests, which is a bonus!
The Wi-Fi Whisperer (and My Love-Hate Relationship with the Internet):
Internet Access: YAY! Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Wi-Fi in public areas too! Praise the tech gods! … Though, let's be honest, sometimes it's more like Internet [LAN], which is like, "Cool, if you packed your cable and haven't upgraded your tech since 2008, you're set." The Wi-Fi was generally good and (thankfully) didn’t give me too much trouble when I needed to update my Instagram (priorities, people!). But there were a couple of times when it was… shaky. You know, the kind of shaky that makes you contemplate throwing your phone across the room. Still, overall, a win. You can't review without internet, so the stakes are high there.
Safety First (Because, You Know, Life):
This place really cares about Cleanliness and safety. They go above and beyond with Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, and Rooms sanitized between stays. I saw the staff constantly sanitizing – they're like little hygiene ninjas. They even proudly display their Hygiene certification. There's Hand sanitizer everywhere (my germaphobe heart sang!), and the Staff trained in safety protocol seem genuinely invested in keeping you safe. They are all fantastic, smiling faces. You are not going to get sick. The Safe dining setup was also a plus – tables spaced out, and food handled carefully. They have Doctor/nurse on call and a First aid kit, which always makes me feel better. Fire extinguisher, Smoke alarms, and Security [24-hour]? Check, check, and check. So, kudos to Lopesan for creating a sanctuary in the age of constant worry. It’s a big thumbs up. They seriously rock the hygiene game.
Eating, Feasting, and Maybe Regretting That Extra Dessert (The Foodie's Fight):
Okay, so the dining experience is where things get interesting. Let's tackle these categories.
- Restaurants, Bar, Poolside bar…and… Restaurants: The place has a ton of options, and I do mean a ton. There's a Buffet in restaurant, which is a blessing and a curse. The buffet is great for breakfast but get there early because it gets PACKED. The Breakfast [buffet] is the hero here, with Asian breakfast, Western breakfast, Vegetarian restaurant and all the trimmings you could possibly imagine. The Coffee/tea in restaurant is always a great plus, and it is so easy to be there.
- The Good and the Bad of the Buffet: They have a whole section dedicated to just desserts. And listen, I love dessert, but after a while, it all starts to blur together. The staff is amazing about refilling the Bottle of water and keeping everything clean.
- The A La Carte Adventure: There’s also A la carte in restaurant, which is a welcome change if you're feeling buffet fatigue.
- Room service [24-hour] – Always a winner, especially after a long day by the pool.
- Desserts in restaurant. Happy hour. Soup in restaurant. All the necessities are served around the clock. Food is all good.
- The Bar & the Sangria Saga: The Bar is lively, especially during Happy hour, with some seriously good cocktails. This is how I ended up in that conversation about wheelchair accessibility… I think I had one Sangria too many. They offer Snack bar and Coffee shop options, too.
The Bottom Line on Eating: The food is generally good, but it's not Michelin-star level. It’s a solid, reliable experience. They do make an honest effort at variety.
Relaxation Station: Spa Days, Pools, and That Elusive "Zen" (Or, My Search for Inner Peace - LOL):
- Pool with view, Swimming pool [outdoor], Spa/sauna: Ah, the promise of relaxation! The outdoor pools are beautiful, especially one of them overlooking the ocean. They have a Sauna, Steamroom, and a full Spa: meaning Body scrub, Body wrap, Massage are all available.
- Fitness frenzy or lack thereof: This is where my opinion gets messy! The Fitness center, or Gym/fitness, is decent. I'm not a gym rat, but I like to pretend to work out sometimes. It gets the job done.
- The Big Picture: If you are trying to relax, I highly suggest it!
Rooms: Clean, But Not Without Its Quirks:
- Available in all rooms: The most important thing is that there is Air conditioning and Free Wi-Fi. And there are Non-smoking rooms.
- That Perfect Bed: Now, the extra long bed was truly a game-changer. I could stretch out like a starfish! The blackout curtains are fantastic, making the long days so much easier.
- The Little Things: The Bathrobes and slippers were a nice touch. The Mini bar was stocked, but let's be honest, a bit pricey.
- The Bathroom Blues: Bathtub or Separate shower/bathtub. You have to decide!
- Personal Room Experiences: Some rooms have balconies and it is such a blessing to wake up, open the door, and have a coffee while looking out at the beach.
- Rooms, Rooms, Rooms!: Additional toilet. Hair dryer. In-room safe box. Mirror. Refrigerator. Seating area. Shower. Smoke detector. Soundproofing. Telephone. Toiletries. Towels. Umbrella. Visual alarm. You’re going to feel at home.
Services and Conveniences (The Stuff You May Actually Need):
- Essentials: They have a Convenience store, which is clutch for late-night snacks or forgotten sunscreen.
- Practical stuff: They offer Laundry service, Dry cleaning, and Daily housekeeping, which is perfect. The Elevator is a godsend.
- For business: Business facilities. Meetings, and Meeting/banquet facilities. I am not a business man, but if you need them, they have them!
- Gift Shop and More: They have a Gift/souvenir shop.
- Other services: Cash withdrawal. Currency exchange. Concierge. Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes. They have the Airport transfer service.
- Doorman: Welcome to true luxury.
For the Kids (Because, You Know, Holidays):
- Family/child friendly!!
- Babysitting service.
- Kids facilities.
- Kids meal.
Getting Around (Because Walking is (Sometimes) Overrated):
- Car Park: Free parking! Amazing. You can choose between Car park [free of charge] and Car park [on-site].
- Bicycle parking.
- Taxi service.
- Valet parking.
Quirks, Imperfections, and My Ramblings:
Okay, here's where things get real.
- The Staff: I have to give a shout-out to the staff. Seriously, they were all genuinely
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into the beautiful, messy, sun-drenched chaos that is my (hypothetical, for now, sadly) trip to the Kumara Serenoa by Lopesan Hotels in Gran Canaria. Buckle up because this isn't your pristine, boring itinerary. This is the real deal, the unvarnished truth, with all the sunburn, bad decisions, and existential dread thrown in for good measure.
Subject: Kumara Serenoa: Prepare for Bliss (and Probably a Slight Meltdown)
Pre-Trip Anxiety (and Obsessive Packing):
Ugh. The airport. The idea of it makes me want to eat a giant tub of ice cream and hide under the covers. Packing. The bane of my existence. This time, I swear, I'm going to be organized. (Narrator: She is not.) I've got the swimsuit for tanning, the swimsuit for actually swimming, the swimsuit for feeling glamorous, and… you know what? Screw it. I'm throwing in another one. You never know when inspiration will strike, and you just have to embody your inner mermaid. Passport, sunscreen (SPF 50+ for this pale ghost!), a book I'll probably only crack open on the plane, and enough emergency chocolate to feed a small army. Oh, and the anti-anxiety meds. Just in case.
Day 1: Arrival and OMG… the Pool! (Also, a Near Disaster)
- Morning (aka "The Hour of Panic"): Arrive at Gran Canaria airport. Pray the luggage arrives intact. Curse the Gods of budget airlines for the cramped seats. Take a deep breath and remember: You're on vacation!
- Afternoon (aka "Poolside Paradise… Mostly"): Check into the Kumara Serenoa. First impression: Wow. The lobby is sleek, the air smells vaguely of coconut and impending luxury. The room? Surprisingly spacious, and the balcony… Oh, the balcony! I have a feeling I'm going to spend a lot of time there, contemplating the meaning of life while sipping sangria. Then, the pool. Unbelievable. Turquoise water, perfectly positioned sun loungers, and a view that screams "forget all your problems." I plop down, soak up the sun like a lizard, and swear that this is the best day of my life… Until I attempt a poolside selfie. Epic fail. My phone nearly takes a swan dive into the water. Cue dramatic flailing and a mortified "Oh my god!" Thankfully, a kind, elderly gentleman with a suspiciously well-groomed mustache saves the day. He probably thought I was having a stroke. I will forever be in his debt.
- Evening (aka "Tapas and Tears… of Joy"): Dinner at the hotel restaurant. Tapas galore! Patatas bravas, garlic prawns, chorizo… my taste buds are doing a happy dance. I pair it with a local wine that tastes suspiciously like sunshine and happiness. Then I spend an hour just laughing in the balcony.
Day 2: Exploring Puerto de Mogán (and My Terrible Sense of Direction)
- Morning (aka "Getting Lost… Gloriously"): Decide to be adventurous and explore Puerto de Mogán, the "Venice of Gran Canaria." Armed with a map I probably won't use. The picturesque harbor, the brightly colored buildings, the charming little shops… it's all postcard-perfect. I immediately get utterly lost. Wander down tiny alleyways, marveling at the bougainvillea-draped walls. It takes me approximately 2 hours to find my way back to the main street. A tiny part of me just wants to sit down and have a cry because I can't find my way.
- Afternoon (aka "Sunburn and Sangria"): Finally, I stumble upon a charming little cafe overlooking the harbor. I order a massive jug of sangria, bury my head in the sun, and contemplate all the things in life. The sangria is glorious, the view is breathtaking, and the sunburn begins to develop on my now overexposed face.
- Evening (aka "Buffet Blues and Stargazing): Dinner at the hotel's buffet. I'm a sucker for a good buffet. The food is plentiful, the choices are overwhelming. I probably ate way too much. After, I walk out to the balcony to enjoy the stars. The stars… they are so bright.
Day 3: Beach Day and a Crisis of Self-Doubt
- Morning (aka "Beach, Baby!… Wait, Sand in Everything?"): Head to the beach! Officially. I spend the morning actually swimming, which is great, and the actual beach, which is a dream, until the inevitable. When I've been in the sun for about an hour. I try to remember to turn over, my back is already feeling like a bad pizza. I'm actually really content, and very aware, until I realise not only is sand everywhere but my feet are still in the sea and I have no towel.
- Afternoon (aka "Do I Even Deserve This?"): The guilt creeps in. Am I really enjoying myself? Shouldn't I be working, or at least doing something productive? This is the vacation crisis. I retreat to the room, staring blankly at the ceiling. I order a room service cheesecake to cheer myself up.
- Evening (aka "Recovery and Redemption"): Forced myself to go to the evening show. It was a cheesy cabaret show, but the sheer silliness of it cured my melancholy. I ate a proper dinner, and by the end of the night, the sense of peace washes over me again.
Day 4: Spa Day and Absolute Bliss
- Morning (aka "Pamper Me!"): Scheduled a spa day at the hotel. The massage is heavenly. I drift off to sleep, and all my worries seem to melt away.
- Afternoon (aka "Poolside Solitude"): Spend the afternoon by the pool, reading and doing nothing. I feel a sense of calm I haven't felt in years.
- Evening (aka "The Perfect Sunset… and a Really Mediocre Pizza"): Watch the sunset. It's perfection. But the pizza… well, it's an insult to the Italian ancestors. The pizza is actually the only thing that sucks. But hey, you can't have everything, right?
Day 5: Departure and the Promise of Return
- Morning (aka "The Sad Truth"): Pack. The end. Say goodbye to the sunshine, the pool, and the sense of pure, unadulterated relaxation.
- Afternoon (aka "Airport Drama"): Head to the airport. Pray the flight is on time and pray my luggage comes with me.
- Evening (aka "Post-Vacation Blues… and the Planning Begins"): Get home. Start planning my next trip back. Because one week is never enough.
Final Thoughts (or, My Existential Ramblings):
This trip, if it ever happens, will be messy. It will be imperfect. There will be meltdowns, sunburns, and questionable food choices. But it will also be beautiful. It will be a reminder to breathe, to laugh, and to soak up the sun. It will teach me to be imperfect. But ultimately, it will be a reminder of the most important thing: that life, even with all its messiness, is still pretty damn good. And the Kumara Serenoa? Well, it's the perfect backdrop for it all.
P.S. If anyone's reading this, and happens to be the elderly gentleman with the well-groomed mustache… thank you for saving my phone. And for the kindness. You're a legend. And I owe you a drink… if I ever get to go.
Unbeatable Tagaytay Getaway: Free WiFi & Netflix at Elchies Room!
Escape to Paradise: Lopesan's Kumara Serenoa Gran Canaria Awaits! (Or Does It?) - Unfiltered FAQs
So, is this Kumara Serenoa place REALLY paradise? All those Instagram pics…
Alright, let's be real. Paradise? Look, the marketing team *tried*. Palm trees swaying, azure pools sparkling… it's definitely *aspirational*. But is it the Garden of Eden? Nah. I mean, I saw a rogue plastic cup float around the pool for a good half hour before a staff member snagged it. That's not exactly biblical, is it?
Listen, it's beautiful, don’t get me wrong. The architecture is stunning, like a modern take on something Moorish. The lobby genuinely took my breath away. But paradise? Well, paradise probably doesn’t have the slightly panicked look on your face when your suitcase is mysteriously AWOL for the first 24 hours (mine was... thanks Ryanair, I think?!). And you know, the "perfect" angle on the pool? It always seemed to be clogged with a thousand screaming kids around lunchtime, which is, well, less picturesque than a glossy brochure.
The food! Tell me everything. Was it all… delicious?
Okay, the food. This is where things get…interesting. The buffet situation is your friend. Your *very* well-stocked friend. Look, it's no Michelin-starred restaurant, obviously. But there’s *so* much choice. Sometimes… too much choice. I mean, you're staring at a selection of cheeses you can’t name, a carving station with something resembling a roasted animal, and enough desserts to trigger a sugar-induced coma. I’m not kidding. The a la carte restaurants? That's where it got dicey. I had a pasta dish that tasted suspiciously like it was made in a microwave and left me wondering if the chef and I were even living in the same realm of culinary awareness. BUT! the tapas bar? *That* was a revelation. The croquettes? Divine. The patatas bravas? Worth every damn calorie. The wine? Well, that depends on your tolerance for the local plonk, really. Let's just say one evening, I got very, very friendly with a bottle…
What about the pools? Are they as dreamy as the photos?
Okay, the pools. Yes, the pools are *dreamy*, photogenic, postcard-worthy even. But here’s the thing: a pool is a pool, and a crowded pool, is well, a *crowded* pool. And getting a prime sunbed spot? That’s a competitive sport involving early mornings, strategic towel placement, and a healthy dose of aggressive politeness. I spent a morning observing this, and the dedication was awe-inspiring. People were up before the sun, marking their territory, like some kind of elaborate aquatic territorial ritual. Honestly, I’m a fan of a good lie-in, so I ended up mostly in the quieter pool further away from the main hubbub - and the screaming kids. It’s not as Insta-worthy, BUT it has far fewer screaming kids. So, win-win I suppose!
The location…is Gran Canaria actually a nice island?
Gran Canaria? Yes, *absolutely* a nice island. Beyond the hotel complex, you’ve got the sand dunes of Maspalomas (gorgeous, but HOT), the black sand beaches, and the winding roads up into the mountains. I rented a car one day – huge mistake, by the way, those roads are terrifying – and explored. The views are breathtaking. I mean, seriously, the views are proper mind-blowing. However, here's the thing: the immediate area around the hotel? It's a bit… sterile. Tourist-centric. A lot of shops selling inflatable flamingos. Again, it’s not a problem per se, but if you want a “local” feel, you might need to venture a bit further afield. Explore!! It's the only way.
What about the staff? Were they friendly and helpful?
Mostly yes. The staff are, on the whole, incredibly hard-working. You could tell they were running around at a million miles an hour! There were some wonderfully kind people who went out of their way to help, especially when my suitcase finally arrived (thanks again, whoever found it!!). My Spanish is limited to "Hola" and "Dos cervezas por favor," but they were patient with me and did their best to understand anyway.
There were a few occasions, though, where I felt a tiny bit… invisible. During a busy service it's understandable, but sometimes getting a drink by the pool felt like trying to attract the attention of a ghost. But the vast majority were lovely and helpful.
The Rooms! What were they like?
Okay, the rooms! This is where I can get *really* specific. I opted for a "superior" room with a balcony, which translated to "fancy-ish room with a view of... another building." Still, the decor was sleek and modern, with a comfortable bed that I practically melted into every night. The bathroom was nice, good water pressure, a proper shower! - but the toiletries… oh, the toiletries! They were tiny, eco-friendly, and smelt of… well, I'm not entirely sure. Something vaguely herby. Let's just say I ended up buying a giant bottle of my own shampoo from the tourist shop, which felt a bit like admitting defeat. Also, the minibar was outrageously expensive. I’m talking, like, £5 for a can of Coke! I just walked to the corner shop. Always a better plan! And for goodness sake, pack some extra face wipes - always the best of plans.
Any tips for making the most of the experience?
Yes! Absolutely.
- **Don't be afraid to venture out:** Explore the island. Rent a car (if you’re brave), take a bus, wander! Don't spend your whole time in the hotel.
- **Pack essentials:** Sunscreen, a hat, comfortable shoes, and... your own shampoo (just trust me on this one).
- **Embrace the chaos:** The buffet is a minefield, the sunbeds are a battleground. Roll with it.
- **Learn a few basic Spanish phrases:** Even a simple "gracias" or "por favor" goes a long way.
- **Lower your expectations… slightly:** It’s not perfect, but that's okay. It's a vacation. Embrace the imperfections.
Would you go back?
Hmm… That's a tough one. On balance, yes, probably. Despite the suitcase saga, the slightly dodgy pasta, and the sunbed wars, there were genuine moments of pure relaxation and joy. The sunset views were stunning.Digital Nomad Hotels
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